Well Mom, lucky you, we left our apartment this morning late, and ran into the mail lady on the way out...so I got the box and the letters, and there was a package from Grammie. I ♥ the apron, and haven't looked at the skirt yet...but I will. Nor have I looked at the pics. I read the letter in the car on the way here...we email at NIU, and I’m not walking around campus to find a dumb camera. I’ll just send you REAL photos, k? And the sky is amazing everyday! It's sometimes the only thing that keeps me going...like this morning on our 2 mile run. And it's actually been quite cool here. Maybe in the 80s, sometimes 70s. Amazing weather.
And sad about Dad. Hopefully he get's better? Is it hard to work with bending down and stuff? And thanks so much for the pics! I can't wait to relive some of my mission! And thanks for the laundry soap! And PLEASE do something about my facebook! Delete it if you have to. I don't mind starting over when I get home. But just don't change the password...it's okay if my profile isn't available for the next 7 months. I don't care. If people really want to know what's going on with me they can flippen write me!
Funny you should mention the mini tape recorder...she's buying one today so she can listen to her sisters tape. I'll pitch in so I can listen to yours when you send it.
And yeah, the world is so sad. I honestly can't stand it anymore. I just can't. All this stupid sin. All this "I’m comfortable with where I'm at" crap. All the short skirts, low shirts, pants at the knees, murder, breaking the law of chastity like it's no big deal, kids ruining their life, parents not taking care of their children, selfishness, wickedness, wickedness, wickedness. I can't stand it any more and it honestly feels like we aren't doing any good. People are dropping us, not showing up for appointments, ignoring us, treating us like we don't have feelings, like we're robots, and I’m tired of it.
I just felt as if I wasn't doing any good in this area, that I was ruining it. Sister Howell was so patient and really helped me, just by listening. She told me that I was the best teacher she had seen. I see everything I’m not doing. I see when I'm not following the spirit, I see when I get annoyed at people, like with people who feel the spirit when we're testifying and then they go and quote that stupid scripture that I have no idea why in the world Paul put it in his writing about if two or more are gathered in my name then my Spirit is there, and how that's an excuses 1) not to come to church 2) Organized religion isn't necessary or 3) it does't matter what church you go to as long as you talk and learn about Christ.
This transfer has been hard. I know I need to get out of this rut and just be happy, but that's hard to do sometimes. I need to focus on the good, like Devey would, or Sister Howell does. She does teach me to look at the funny in everything and everyone. Like Brother A. He can talk about nothing forever, and instead of getting frustrated she "listens" and then afterwards goes ,"Oh Brother A!" OR instead of getting mad at the high priests for going into deep doctrine in the gospel principles class she just laughs and makes fun of them in a loving way.
But what about when people reject us and tell us that they're going to call the cops on us if we don't leave? How can you really find joy in that? And I KNOW they are rejecting the Savior and not us. But that makes it all the more harder. Because they are rejecting eternal life, exaltation, eternal happiness, answers to their questions, everything! I really do wish I could cry repentance unto this people like the early missionaries did, but as Alma said, I must be content with what the Lord has given me.
Well thank you for letting me just rant and rave. ... I know I really shouldn't, but sometimes I just have too.
Mom, thanks for being such an awesome example to me. You really are amazing. I love you so much.
And Dad, thank you for being a worthy priesthood holder who puts his family first. You are also amazing. I love you two so much! And Dad, sorry, I didn't get a chance to read your letter before I left this morning...it was a crazy morning. The washer broke, so we had to wring all my whites out by hand...and I chose to wash my sheets today! They were just sitting in water cuz it wouldn't drain...at least it washed them.
Happy birthday Benson! Can't believe you're 12! Always be worthy to use that Priesthood! Way to go Harrison for being worthy to give it to him! Jefferson, keep being cool, but not cocky, Wilson, you just well...be good.
And Saydi, I miss you so much! I love you! We're going shopping when I get home... well you can buy stuff, I won't have two pennies to rub together...maybe we can convince mom to lend us some stuff. But I try not to think about home. It shows that I love you guys, but my work is here among the unrepentant people of Illinois.
And is Jackson ap or something?
I sent it to President Doll, thought you might like it too:
Sister Howell is teaching me so much about working with less active members, she herself being in that position once, and her visiting teachers coming over and sharing a message and just leaving. Then she got one who didn't share any gospel message with her and just loved her, and that's why she came back, because of that love. The other day a less active member took us out to eat and we didn't really share anything with her, we were just her friend and loved her and listened to her, and we could tell that she was touched by it and loved the spirit that we brought and the love that we showed to her. We hope that we can truly love these people back to church. There are some less actives that the message is exactly what they need. We have been "practicing" the lessons with one less active family and every time we're over there the spirit is so strong and we really think that they feel it too and it's making them realize that they need to do something more in their lives. They said they're going to start reading the scriptures together as a family. And they want a temple marriage too, which means coming back to church, which they know too.
Oh, I had an ingrown toe nail, but Sister Howell, who is going to be a nurse and has fixed her brothers in grown toe nails before, fixed mine. She's awesome. Gross stuff doesn't phase her...like nose blowing, burping or passing gas. Sometimes... we have to end prayers earlier because we just start to laugh.
Okay, it's time to go.
Thank you for all you do for me! All I really need is your prayers to get through this harder time. I just need the faith to keep persevering to the end.
Love, Sister Ostler
ps. can I have the peanut butter kiss recipe? And fudge while you're at it...just send it in your next letter. Thanks so much! You guys are just awesome...best family in the world.